Q: Fourteen years ago, my 90-pound Border Collie/Lab mix, Toby, was attacked by a Rottweiler as I was walking him on a leash. The dogs fought furiously, and though -neither was hurt, I was completely traumatized. And to this day, I continue to be! Toby died two years ago, and three months later I adopted Turbo, an 18-month-old Black Lab/Pit Bull mix who’s wonderfully trained. But -although I no longer scan for other dogs when we’re out walking (or run back home when I see one!), I still haven’t conquered my fear of them. I’ve learned a lot from your TV programs; I even know how to be calm-assertive—until another dog comes into view. As soon as one does, I become tense and fearful, and, of course, Turbo goes on alert and becomes determined to protect me. Turbo is wonderful, and I want him to have all the freedom and friends he deserves. But as long as I keep going into panic mode at the simple thought of another dog, I know that’s not going to happen. Is there any way I can have the life with my dog that I dream of?

A: First, let me tell you that some very -positive things are going on here. One is that you obviously have the ability to see -reality—you’re clear that when the Rottweiler attacked, no one was hurt. And the second good thing is that you’re aware of your own tension and the effect that it’s having on Turbo. When I help people change their state of mind in -order to change their energy, it’s sometimes very tough to get them to own their feelings—and to admit to the damage those feelings are doing—so be happy you’ve already mastered that.

Once we’ve lost control of our emotions, though, what none of us can do on our own is change our behavior. To help guide you through that part of the process, I would advise you to turn to someone you trust and respect. This person doesn’t have to be a therapist or professional of any kind. In fact, a loyal friend—one who’s calm and confident around dogs—is probably your best bet. With your friend at your side, take Turbo for his walk—and when you see another dog approaching, keep moving toward him. Stay four to 10 feet from the dog you’re afraid of for a while, identify all the fearful thoughts you’re having, and write them down. Keep hanging out near the dog until you’ve started to relax. The energy you draw from your calm, confident friend is what will enable you to complete this exercise. Repeat it as often as you need to, until you’ve achieved your goal of a fear-free walk. And if you find you’re losing faith, just keep reminding yourself that the only way to get out of a tough situation is to go through it. Good luck!